Recovery Mode

I’ve lost many things over the years, from umbrellas and books, to jobs, practices, and people. Some were accidental losses, others were deliberately shed. Some disappeared without my even noticing. They got lost when I wasn’t paying attention to them.

With a few exceptions, I don’t particularly miss the material things that got left behind. I moved back to Canada with two bags. I regret not having brought back some of the decorations that we put on the Christmas tree in Bogota when the boys were growing up. I miss those decorations not because I need or want them; I miss them because they were meaningful to the boys. I wonder if I can recover them.

I held an independent contractor job as a translator for an international press monitoring service from February 1999 until December 2019, just over 20 years. The service was restructured and I was invited to apply to work under contract with the new service provider. I declined with no regrets as I had other professional projects to pursue. Jobs change.

I’ve lost practices. I lost the practice of writing this blog. It originally started as a by-product of Internet dating. I was exchanging messages with prospective suitors and I realized that some of the things I was writing about would be worth sharing with a wider audience. Then I found someone, fell in love, and we stopped writing to each other. While falling in love was a good thing, I don’t think that the fact that we stopped exchanging letters was a positive development. The habit of writing is one that I’d like to recover and maintain. My inspiration is my friend Sharon who has recently posted a flurry of short reflections, reminding me that a piece of writing starts with a moment of realization that I want to capture in words before it escapes. It doesn’t have to be a full-fledged essay. 

I’ve lost healthful practices. The pandemic was a hard time. I engaged in a lot of eating and drinking and neglected health self-care. Sometimes I still forget to act in ways that serve my physical and mental health. I need to recover healthful practices: More fruits and vegetables. Fewer sweets and drinks. More exercise. This isn’t rocket science.

I’ve lost people. I drifted apart from some; others were let go. There are people whose friendship I want to recover and I want to be more mindful about maintaining the friendships that I don’t want to lose. Jot down a note. Be diligent about answering. Schedule appointments to stay in touch.

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Exercise in self-actualization

Finish this sentence:

I am a person who __________________________

Fill in the blank as many times as needed until you have created a person.

Are you that person? Do you really want to be that person? What is needed to be that person?

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I feel like I’ve lost parts of my life, parts of myself, and I want to find them again.

I thought I’d lost my previous blog entries. It took some Internet searching and technical help from Gord to find and access them. They’re still there. The snapshots of what my life was.

I’m in recovery mode, looking for my backups. Some aspects of who I used to be don’t serve anymore, but I miss other aspects and need to recreate them. They’re not new, but they need to be recreated, recovered…like an old piece of furniture.